The storms come, the winds blow . . .
Whenever something new or different comes into my life, I tend to obsess on that thing, researching and learning about it until I know everything about it. I often do this to the exclusion of other things that are just as important, or more so, than the subject of my obsession.
When God opened my eyes earlier this year and allowed me to truly see my bisexual orientation, I started researching everything I could find about being a gay Christian. As always, I tended to be a bit obsessive in my research. I was acutely aware that it would be quite easy for me to get lost in the “gay,” and forget about the “Christian” part.
I started out with the Bible, going from what it said and reading everything on-line through that lens. Soon enough, though, I was drifting off course, my navigation system no longer fixed on the North Star. I stopped going back to scripture, seeing things increasingly through a filter of revisionism and skepticism, which has ultimately led me to an uncomfortable unsureness about the reliability of any modern translation of God's word.
I have seen arguments by so many folks who are in positions of scholarship casting doubt on the veracity of translations through the centuries, and even upon the primary source documents themselves. Unfortunately, most of the rebuttals I've seen have been, shall we say, less that erudite in their reasoning. I know that we are talking about a matter of faith, but where to draw the line?
Using the reasoning of many whom I've read, I could justify almost anything by casting doubt on the translation, context, word meanings, or interpretations of scripture.
The problem is, this issue isn't just about God and GLBTs. It's about the authority of God's word. It's about whether He can or does control the spreading of His word down through the centuries.
My entire spiritual belief system hinges on the result of this search, for if I can't be sure of what God actually intended to say in the Bible, how can I be sure of anything that I've learned about Him through my life?
Could this actually spell the end of my life as a believer, a follower of Christ? I most certainly hope not.
As I see it, the answer might lie in a number of directions:
1.I could walk away from all vestiges of religion, period. Declare myself agnostic. This is far from my first choice, but I must include it in this list of possibilities.
2.I could embrace an Orthodox church of some sort, trusting that the continuance of “authority” down the centuries has helped maintain the purity of God's word.
3.I could embrace a relatively unorthodox church, like MCC, and go with their “modern” interpretations of the Gospel.
4.I could pick and choose in a “cafeteria-plan” religion.
No matter what course I choose, I must first be settled in the veracity, or lack thereof, in scripture. To do this, I need to be certain of . . . well, everything. It seems to me that I have set up an impossible task, guaranteed to destroy my current belief system, leaving nothing in its place.
“. . . and the storm came, and the wind blew, and the house built on a rock stood, but the house built on sand did not . . .”
My, doesn't that sound familiar.
