Hiways, Biways http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/ Dispatches from the road less travelled en Copyright 2008 Sat, 24 Nov 2007 07:13:15 -0600 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Some light from behind the clouds . . . ? previous post, I ran across a book titled Letters From a Skeptic: A Son Wrestles with His Father's Questions about Christianity. After reading the summary and reviews, I pounced on this book immediately. It's a pretty easy read. I sailed through it in about 4 hours. The structure of the book is an ongoing dialogue addressing questions that many people, believer and agnostic alike, have about God and Christianity. In a series of letters written between an unbelieving dad and his believing son, many hard questions are asked and answered, then turned over and debated some more. This is not a book of pat answers or easy questions. What I came away from this book with was the realization that it is not the Gospel that I wrestle with. What I have issues with is the fundamentalist propaganda with which I was indoctrinated after becoming a Christian.]]> http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/11/some_light_from_behind_the_clo.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/11/some_light_from_behind_the_clo.html Spiritual Foundations Sat, 24 Nov 2007 07:13:15 -0600 The storms come, the winds blow . . . see my bisexual orientation, I started researching everything I could find about being a gay Christian. As always, I tended to be a bit obsessive in my research. I was acutely aware that it would be quite easy for me to get lost in the “gay,” and forget about the “Christian” part.]]> http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/11/the_storms_come_the_winds_blow.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/11/the_storms_come_the_winds_blow.html Spiritual Foundations Sun, 04 Nov 2007 07:52:12 -0600 And in other news, the sun rose in the east this morning. 2.86:

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Straight

Bisexual

Gay

Explanation This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale, on which I currently score 3.86:

0 = exclusively heterosexual 1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual 2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual 3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual 4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual 5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual 6 = exclusively homosexual Summary The idea of this exercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "bisexual", and "heterosexual" need not be the only three options available to us. Take the quiz]]> http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/10/and_in_other_news_the_sun_rose.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/10/and_in_other_news_the_sun_rose.html Self-Awareness Wed, 31 Oct 2007 03:03:20 -0600 I have a friend when the ground began crumbling beneath my feet, Jim was there. He reached down into the vortex, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back.]]> http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/i_have_a_friend.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/i_have_a_friend.html Depression Friends Kipling Sat, 29 Sep 2007 05:50:04 -0600 About that last post . . . My apologies if the language in the previous post offends. I was feeling pretty raw at the time, so I've decided to leave it the way that it came out. Authenticity, and all that. http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/about_that_last_post_1.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/about_that_last_post_1.html Miscellany Fri, 28 Sep 2007 06:21:23 -0600 Depression Fucking Sucks Down Down Down into the black depths; emotions lying to me, making me irritable, hating everything around me. I'd rather be Mr. Spock. Cold, emotionless. Better not to know love than to feel this way. I become an asshole, mistreating everyone around me. I know they're not the source, but they bear the brunt of my anger. I love my family. They are a gift. I treat them like a Christmas present from Aunt Myrtle. They deserve better. Unfortunately, they're stuck with me. http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/depression_fucking_sucks.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/depression_fucking_sucks.html Depression Poetry Thu, 27 Sep 2007 21:09:53 -0600 Doctor, doctor, give me the news . . . psychiatrists don't particularly care if you have pressing problems, since the earliest I could get with any was over two months from now. So, my first appointment was today. I like her. We seemed to click, and I think that together, we can work toward improving the situation. Hope we have as an anchor to the soul. -Hebrews 6:19 Today, for the first time in a while, I feel hopeful.]]> http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/doctor_doctor_give_me_the_news.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/doctor_doctor_give_me_the_news.html Depression Thu, 20 Sep 2007 22:40:26 -0600 What's that bright light in the sky? A couple days ago, instead of sleeping for 17 hours straight, I finally got out of the house during the daylight (I work third shift) and did some socializing (Wednesday night dinner at church). It's amazing what a difference a little vitamin D(aylight) and F(riends) can make. That was the first time in about a month that I had been outside during the day except for traveling home from work. I'm still not my normal über-chipper self, but the last few days have been much better. I'm still looking for a good doc that's on my health plan. I think I just need to close my eyes, point and call one. http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/whats_that_bright_light_in_the.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/whats_that_bright_light_in_the.html Depression Sat, 15 Sep 2007 05:33:28 -0600 Crash & Burn I am so sick of this dark cloud hanging over me. I'm no good to myself or anyone else like this, but what can I do? I'm stuck with this until it decides to move on. Usually, a good night's sleep will suffice to get rid of a 'mood.' All I've done for the last two weeks is work and sleep, it seems, and I wake up feeling little better (emotionally) than when I went to sleep. I need to find a doctor to talk to. Perhaps a change of medication would help. I'm afraid. I haven't been this bad since I was first diagnosed, and I don't remember being this bad for this long then. I've even had passing thoughts of suicide. I couldn't do that, though. I would hurt too many people, and it's the quitter's way out, anyway. That is not the solution to anything, it's just the ultimate avoidance technique. Past finding a good shrink (a challenge in itself), I'm not sure what to do. I don't see how I can change any of the stressors in my life. In spite of the stress, I love my job and the people I work with. It literally is my dream job, and I don't want to quit (can't anyway), can't just decide "ya know, I just don't think I'll be bisexual anymore." God, please help me. I don't think anyone else can. http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/crash_burn.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/09/crash_burn.html Depression Fri, 07 Sep 2007 01:00:04 -0600 Mourning Finally admitting to myself that I am bisexual and fully embracing that fact with all its implications has affected me in many ways, some if them unexpected. For instance, I find myself experiencing a weird dichotomy: on the one hand, I love (and desire) my wife, thus always have been and will be faithful to her. Even so, I find myself experiencing a certain wistfulness, even sadness, that I have never experienced (and never will) "the other side." http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/08/mourning.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/08/mourning.html Self-Awareness Tue, 14 Aug 2007 00:59:00 -0600 Random thoughts . . . HETEROSEXUAL does not mean homophobic WHITE does not mean racist MALE does not mean sexist

Not sure if I should wear it anymore. Maybe if I had a new one made in Bi Pride colors . . .]]> http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/08/random_thoughts_1.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/08/random_thoughts_1.html Humor Wed, 01 Aug 2007 09:35:00 -0600 Seasons of Love I was recently involved in a discussion regarding God "healing" me of being bisexual. I started to reply to a comment there, but by the time I was done, realized that I'd gone off-topic for that forum, so I decided to post it here. http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/07/seasons_of_love.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/07/seasons_of_love.html Coming Out Tue, 31 Jul 2007 08:04:00 -0600 The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveller, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Since I came out, this has become my anthem. Walking the path of a bisexual Christian is most definitely the "one less traveled by."]]> http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/07/the_road_not_taken.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/07/the_road_not_taken.html Self-Awareness Frost Poetry Sun, 29 Jul 2007 01:02:00 -0600 Triumph of the Will . . . ? As I had mentioned a few entries back, I have been dealing with the issue of porn for years; computers, broadband and long nights alone can be a killer . . . Interestingly, since I came out to myself, this doesn't seem to have been an issue for me. It could be coincidence, but you never can tell . . . I think that finding a *safe* place online to share my struggles with others in similar situations has had a bearing on this as well. http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/07/triumph_of_the_will.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/07/triumph_of_the_will.html Pr0n Sat, 28 Jul 2007 04:09:00 -0600 OGTs* *Obvious Gay Traits I was talking with someone the other day about stereotypes and whether to avoid natural personality traits that may correlate with a negative stereotype. Translation: if you naturally act 'gay,' should you try not to act that way?" This started me thinking; as usual, this square peg has trouble fitting any round hole. On the one hand, - I can build or fix almost anything, from cars to houses (thanks, Dad) - I love military history - I'm a gun enthusiast, and enjoy hunting - I drive a pick-up truck (I'm from Texas, though, so that may not count) - I hate quiche! On the other hand,]]> http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/07/ogts.html http://www.bianyothername.com/blog/2007/07/ogts.html Humor Self-Awareness Thu, 26 Jul 2007 09:07:00 -0600